Sunday, February 27, 2011

Living for Me

Hey friends!
Thanks for the sweet comments on my post the other day.
For those that don't know- my boyfriend of 4 years & myself broke up thursday night!  However, we ended on the best note possible.  We both want the best for the other person, and that is so amazing that we can feel that way.  I was crushed & my heart still aches at random times.  At the same time, I can't put into words how EXCITED I am for my future.  It's like I have the whole world at my fingertips again... scary {a little} but thrilling!
It's hard to describe!  For the first time in about 5 years, I'm able to focus on what I want.
I don't have anyone to tell me this, and tell me that.  I can just be alone!  I've never liked being alone, but I'm starting to enjoy it.  Last time Blane and I broke up, I tried to do the rebound thing.  It's like there was this void that I needed to be filled so I started going out with another guy.  Looking back, that made things worse.  I never had time to work on myself, think about what I want, and actually give my heart time to heal.  I just jumped right into another relationship & at the end of the day, I was still unhappy.  I still felt like there was something missing.  I realize now that what was missing was myself.  I never gave myself the time and space that I needed.  Shame on me for that, because I knew going into that relationship with the rebound that I wasn't ready.  That's the mistake I will not make this time.  I'm going to take as long as I need.  I want to be selfish, completely selfish.  It sounds awful, but I've always been the girl that has a guy.  I've never been alone because honestly, I didn't like being alone.  To be honest, I don't need a guy this time to make me feel comfortable in my own skin.  I don't need a guy to fill this void.  I want to fill my own voids, and just discover who I am.   This way when Mr. Right does come along -- I'll be ready.  I have my friends and family to be my strength.  Hell, I have myself.  I don't need a guy that I know won't mean a thing to me to make me feel better.  I'm so much stronger & better than that!!  This time the break-up is different, I'm not longing to be needed by someone.  It's like a world of opportunity is just waiting for me. Like I said, my heart does ache from time to time & I'm sure it will for a while - but in the back of my mind, I can't wait to begin this new chapter of my life.  I can't wait to see what God has planned for me!
For the past 4 years, I've had set plans.  I was going to be a nurse, live here, get married, have kids, etc., etc.  Now I have no plans & my mind is gradually becoming used to the idea.
I can now ask myself, "where will I be in 2 years?" and not have the slightest clue! :)
AHHH! I love that!  I love to travel, and I love a good adventure.  I'm so grateful that God is giving me an opportunity to just live my life how I want.  I've been amazed at the amount of strength that I've had.  It's like something inside of me woke up.  I guess it's like that saying, "you don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option." 
This is my life, and I'm happy to stand back and just let it unfold. :)  I can't believe all these words are coming out of my mouth!!  Ya'll, I'm normally a planner, but this time I just want to let go & just enjoy the ride!  What's meant to be, will be - I firmly believe that.
I think I'm at ease because I know that there is someone out there [somewhere] who will love me unconditionally, flaws & all.  I don't want anyone right now, and I may not for a long time, but someday- I will.... & that thought makes me happy. :)

Now that I'm done giving my life saga, I want to share a lyric of a song that has helped me so much in the past few days.  {along with the video} hehe :)
"Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
And here's the video in case ya'll haven't seen it! :) I loves her!


I'm about to go get a pedicure with one of my bests :) can't wait! Then tonight I'm going to visit with God at his house & then have dinner with another one of my friends.  I should be studying anatomy, but I want a break.  So I'm taking one! 
It's my life... right!? ;)
Hope you all have a FANTASTIC Sunday!!!!!!
My apologies for babbling on and on about what I want in life... I'm just excited! 
OH!!!! & might I add, that I now can fit back into my skinny jeans that I couldn't even button a month ago! AH! I'm so thrilled!  I've also lost 8lbs.. HELLS YEAHHHH ;)



  1. you have the best outlook you could possibly have right now and that's amazing! you never know where life is going to take you so just enjoy the ride! you'll be great. i broke up with the guy i was planning on marrying last august, had no clue what i was doing and moved halfway across the country. 6 months later i'm better than i ever could have been with him. everything happens for a reason girl. keep your head up!

  2. 8lbs! wahhooo!! that is great.
    & when I broke up with my longterm bf in college I tried to rebound and still was unhappy until I decided to write guys off and was single for about 3-4 years. those years were some of the best times of my life! and then I met my (now) husband and was completely ready to be committed to someone b/c I was finally ok with me! I'm excited for you, you have lots to look forward to! xo

  3. Way to have such an amazing outlook on the situation!

    PS. Love this song!

  4. So glad about your -8 lbs. but so sad about the bf. Hope your okay!

  5. Good for you sweetie! Way to have a positive outlook! Hope everything goes wonderfully for you-I know you have a bright future!

  6. I found your blog today and this post literally just made my day. I ended my relationship too and I've been reminded a lot lately that the happiest girls are the prettiest and you definitely just proved that!